Meet The Brother
by Batman2o4
Summary: My version of 'Meet the Parents' Only with Ichigo and Rukia. No worries, didn't change the personalities..
1. Chapter 1

A/N My second version of 'Meet The Parents' IchiRuki style, because I accidentally erased the document. So I hope it's as good as the original.. Anyway. I didn't change the characters, just the circumstances, Obviously I'm not gonna turn Ichigo into the nervous Ben Stiller, then it wouldn't be IchiRuki it would be NervousBenStiller-Ruki.

Anyway, while I'm still on my caffeine rush.. I mean, without further ado, I give you…

Meet The Brother

Ichigo rolled over in bed to wrap his arm around the person laying next to him, when he abruptly sat up at the lack of his girlfriend. He found her at the closet packing some of their clothes into a huge duffel bag. Confused, yet not interested Ichigo flopped back down on the bed. He soon heard soft feet padding across the floor towards the bed when he felt her soft hand pat his cheek and her soft voice fill the air.

"Today's the day." She whispered, at first Ichigo didn't understand and peeked off the top of the pillow at her when suddenly it hit him and he groaned loudly. To this Rukia chuckled, when Ichigo interrupted her.

"Do we **have** to?" He whined looking up at her with puppy dog eyes.

"We can't just leave nii-sama in the dark while we go and get married and have children and…" She was interrupted by Ichigo as he shot up and pressed his lips to hers to stop her train of thought.

"I'm just kidding, Jeez." She got up off the bed and went back to packing. "But we do have to go so get dressed, Lover Boy."

"Awww" Ichigo playfully whined then he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her small body, resting his head on top of hers.

"Where's my breakfast, Woman?" He smirked playfully, he could almost feel the jab of her elbow into his stomach as she stomped off. (A/N sorry to ruin the moment but Rukia was seeming too OOC lol) Ichigo chuckled and followed her into the kitchen where he proceeded to cook some eggs for himself and Rukia.

** w - 0 oo w … Ugh I am getting way too old for that…**

As they shuffled about the crowded airport Ichigo began to get more and more nervous, Rukia had only told him a small portion about this brother of hers and from what he heard, they were not going to get along.

When they had finally boarded and were seated Ichigo cleared his throat and looked at Rukia.

"Do you.. Do you think he'll like me?" He asked sheepishly, and Rukia stared at him with a confused look plastered on her face.

"Since when have you given a damn about what people think?" She asked. Suddenly Ichigo felt much more confident.

"Oh yeah." He smirked and began to drift off to sleep as did everyone else on the plane.

After they had gotten off the plane and into the rental car they had the fun of finding the Kuchiki mansion.

"No! You were supposed to turn there, Idiot!" Rukia screeched as the passed another sign covered in foliage.

"How do you know?! That sign was covered in plants!" He screamed in response. "Besides, it says it's around this corner.." Ichigo's sentence was cut short due to the shocked look on his face as he sat in the car staring at the huge mansion in front of him.

"…Wow."

Sorry about the short chapter, I wanted to cut it off before it got too deep into the meeting of the Byakuya. Reviews are **always** appreciated, also I wanna know whether I should get Abarai in on some of this action or not, whadda you guys say? Yes? No? Maybe so? Tell me or I'll choose for myself, And I don't have very good decision making skills… I'll probly.. make him a llama raiser or something..


	2. Renji The Llama Raiser

**Renji the llama Raiser**

"There, there, Beth. You'll be okay." Renji repeated soothingly as he patted the old llamas nose. He continued to brush her fur as she protested, madly wailing as if he was severing her leg. Suddenly he felt a nudge at his leg, he turned to see Tommy brushing against him, his eyes softened.

"Hungry there, Fella?" He said quietly, dropping to one knee and patting the little llama's back. "Well we'll just have to do something about that, won't we?" He grunted as he lifted himself and started to the feed box, Tommy trailing at his heels.

"FEEDIN' TIME!!" He screamed so all the llamas on the ranch could hear him as he picked up the huge sack of oats. The tiny llama wailed with excitement and jumped up on Renji.

"Down, hey, down there, Boy" Renji chuckled as he poured some of the feed into his hand and outstretched it to all the baby llamas that had gathered at his knees. It was instantly gone and he then poured the sack into a large bin that the larger llamas were waiting at.

"Eat up!" He grunted as he pushed through the crowd of llamas. When he had escaped the masses of hungry animals he felt rather hungry himself and headed up to his small house.

A/N lol I couldn't help it after my last Author Note, you see now?! My terrible decision making skills! You must review or the whole story will be like this!

Cheers.

The one and only Batman.


	3. Painful Introductions

Sorry for the super long wait, guys. I had to refresh my memory about the movie and it took me forever to get around to it. Well, I've decided which character Renji's going to play, I can't believe it took me this long to figure it out. My ideas for how many things Ichigo can screw up in one weekend are limited so please, if you have any wonderful ideas of how Ichigo can make the worst possible impression on Byakuya please, don't hesitate. I also love all your feedback! Please send all the "KAWAII!" s and "aww!"s you have in those fancy little review boxes. It motivates me!

Anyway, without further ado…

** CHAPTER 3 Painful introductions**

Ichigo gingerly knocked on the door.

"Nervous?" Rukia teased while straightening herself and doing last touch-ups on her hair.

"N-No!" Ichigo stuttered, a tint of pink spreading across his face. He began fiddling in his pockets for a distraction and found a packet of cigarettes, as he was about to light one Rukia knocked it out of his mouth.

"What was that for!?" He screamed, in desperate need of the soothing nicotine.

"No smoking!" She scolded "I already told you this, baka." Ichigo groaned in response and shoved the packet back into his coat pocket grudgingly just as the door was opened by a blonde-haired woman with.. Cough.. some interesting assets. When she saw who was at the door she squealed and grasped Rukia in a death grip. Ichigo stumbled backwards, taken a bit aback by the scene going on infront of him. Currently, his girlfriend looked like she was being suffocated by the older woman's shower of affection and, ofcourse, the large breasts that had cut off her air supply.

"Nice.. To… see.. you… too…" Rukia choked out, Suddenly the woman looked up at Ichigo curiously. Then, suddenly understanding she squealed an even higher pitch (as if it was possible) than the first time. Ichigo's eyes shot open and he thought his eardrums were going to burst when he was caught in the same situation Rukia had been in a moment before. He looked over the woman's shoulder to see Rukia smiling sympathetically at him as she brushed herself off and straightened her shirt.

Once the maid had been pried off of the red-headed man Rukia started the first of the long line of introductions.

"Matsumoto, this is Kurosaki Ichigo. Ichigo, Matsumoto Rangiku. She's been a caretaker for me since I was around 5." Rukia explained.

"And do I get any backstory on this _'Ichigo' _character." Matsumoto asked, winking slyly at Rukia.

"I like to think of him as my man-toy." Rukia said calmly to which Ichigo exploded.

"THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE GOING TO ACT AROUND YOUR BROTHER?!" He screeched.

"Ofcourse not, fool!" Rukia muttered, smacking the back of his head. "But if you keep screaming like that the introduction to him will come quicker. Is that what you want? Hmm?" Ichigo froze and shook his head stiffly. "Didn't think so." She smirked and led him inside.

"Well, lunch will be ready in about 15 minutes Kuchiki-San (A/N I'm not sure if that's proper, that means Ms. Kuchiki, doesn't it? Semi-formal? I was worried about sama because that's reserved for like senseis, right? Like dono? I dunno.. tryin my best here, people)

"Is nii-sama here?" Rukia asked looking around the house, scouting out any changes in the scenery.

"Yes, in his study, shall I fetch him?" Matsumoto replied politely.

Rukia turned and smiled at her "Yes, please. Thanks." She said leading Ichigo by the hand to the living room where several decorative couches sat.

Ichigo shifted uncomfortably on the rock hard sofa. His grip on Rukia's small hand unintentionally tightened as he heard footsteps coming towards their general direction.

"It's okay, you'll be fine." She whispered, patting his hand. He grunted lightly in response. "Jesus, what's your problem? I've never seen you act like this before!" she suddenly looked at him seriously.

"Ichigo. Are you constipated?" Ichigo looked at her, completely baffled.

"…wha?" was all he could muster. Rukia began to chuckle at his reaction.

"Just kidding, loosin up, idiot. But not too much. Remember; polite, attentive, respectful. That's the kind of acting that'll get you his sister's hand." She advised.

"Roger." He confirmed shakily. He repeated the 3 words under his breath several times before the guest of honor entered the room.

The tall, pale man stood in the doorway eying his sister's new _'boyfriend'_. His face showed no emotion and it was scaring Ichigo shitless.

_Not even a slight wave?! A nod!? Recognition that I'm inside his home?! _ Ichigo thought to himself. He could feel his blood beginning to boil. His temper had always been a problem when meeting The Parents but this time it was bad. _Polite, attentive, respectful, polite, attentive, respectful. _ Rukia's words ran over and over again in his head. He looked to her to see her reaction to the man's lack of emotion. She seemed completely frozen, almost even terrified. It showed in her eyes. He draped his arm around her shoulders protectively to which Rukia awarded him with thankful eyes. As the two were caught up in their little moment, Byakuya's eyebrow twitched. Wishing it could quirk with the surprise he was feeling. But to the untrained eye, he was completely unmoved.

"Well, Mr.Kurosaki." Byakuya muttered out, accenting the Kurosaki and bringing the couple out of their trance.

"U-Um Yes, sir?" He choked out.

"I see you and my sister's relationship has been getting along swimmingly." He began "But, if you hurt her, Mark my words; I will kill you with my bare hands." Byakuya's face remained emotionless and still. Ichigo, though, was showing his emotion and at the moment the word to describe it would be halfway through petrified and horrified. Rukia squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"Kuchiki-sama, Mark my words. I will never lay a finger on this woman until the day our souls part with death." Ichigo stated, matching Byakuya's cold glare with a fiery one. Byakuya nodded.

"Very well. Lunch should be prepared by now." He lifted himself from the seat and led them into a dining hall. When Byakuya's back was turned Rukia gave Ichigo a quick kiss on the cheek as appreciation for his performance.

"I'm gonna need more then a peck on the cheek for that stunt." He whispered playfully to which he received his second blow to the gut of the day.

Ichigo found himself sitting at the table staring at a plate full of steaming food. Sitting on the gold-rimmed plate was his absolute worst nightmare; Shellfish casserole. The pure rotting hatred burned within his soul like a forest fire, ever since he had been just a boy, shellfish had sent shivers down his spine. But oh, how his stomach ached for the delicately placed meal that was sitting infront of him. Rukia and Byakuya had already dug in, pausing occasionally to politely wipe their mouths. Ichigo gulped loudly, glaring at his plate.

"Is there something wrong, Mr.Kurosaki?" He looked up to see Byakuya staring intently at him.

"U-umm.. I'm not hungry." He lied, smiling sheepishly. Rukia glanced at him from the corner of her eye. Suddenly Ichigo's stomach unleashed a loud growl that filled the room.

Byakuya's eyebrows raised, Rukia giggled and Ichigo averted his eyes, trying to cover his blush.

"Uhh.. Excuse me." He muttered and stood, turning towards the hallway. Rukia followed soon after him.

"Why aren't you eating, bozo?!" She exclaimed making sure Byakuya couldn't see them before smacking the back of his head.

"Sh-..Shellfish." Was all he could muster as he buckled over and braced his hands on his knees.

"Stop being a baby.." she muttered. "Come on, he'll think we ran off or something." She began walking back into the dining room, pulling Ichigo by the arm.

"What about the shellfish!?" He screeched, appalled at her lack of sympathy.

"Jeez. Be a man, Ichigo." She said simply, continuing to pull him into the dining room again.

Ichigo sat, staring at the same plate of shellfish as before. He shakily lifted his fork to his mouth

"Rrrghmhmmm." He managed out, trying to force his groan into an appealing sound.

"Is your meal unsatisfactory, Kurosaki?" Byakuya asked dangerously.

"No, it's delicious." He choked out holding his napkin to his lips, trying to suppress the need to hurl.

After a long painful half hour of eating and small talk the dishes were lifted and taken away behind the kitchen door.

Byakuya rose from his seat at the head of the table.

"Renji is holding a social barbeque and I was invited. Be prepared and presentable in an hour. See you then." He stated simply, and began to head out of the room.

"What are you going to be doing?" Ichigo asked, raising from his seat also. Rukia elbowed him in the stomach warningly.

"Working. Feel free to explore the house, Kurosaki." He informed Ichigo leaving the room.

"Don't interfere with his privacy, Ichigo. He's very sensitive about it." Rukia advised him.

"Pfft. That man? Sensitive? Don't make me laugh!" He threw in some mock laughter for good measure. Rukia rolled her eyes and pulled him into the hallway.

"Come on, I'll show you my old room." Rukia looked up at him "The bed is **wonderful**" she added slyly. Ichigo smirked.

"Roger, captain. Lead the way."

Ichigo pinned Rukia against the bed and trailed butterfly kisses all down her neck. She moaned at his touch and grinded her hips into his. He came back up and kissed her on the lips again, smirking into her mouth.

"Love you" he mumbled into her neck as his tongue prodded the sensitive areas.

Suddenly the door swung open and there stood Byakuya. He coughed to get their attention and Ichigo sat straight up in bed. Rukia still had all her clothes on but they were ruffled, Ichigo on the other hand had ripped off his own shirt in a valiant attempt to speed up the process.

"I—Umm.." Ichigo stuttered.

"We would like to have your specialty clothes fitted." He stated coldly. Not meeting Rukia or Ichigo's eyes.

"Umm.. Nii-sama, it isn't what you think.." Rukia managed to stutter out.

"Follow me, please." Byakuya said, then spun on his heel and began walking down the hall.

"Hey! Wait up!" Ichigo shouted out, jumping off the bed and running with Rukia to catch up to her older brother.

Sorry, this chapter was kind of short.. and it wasn't outrageous.. Ichigo's doin pretty well, dontcha think? Lol well I'll have to change that.. he'll get in a fight at the party or something. Somethin that'll **really** make ya cringe. Muahahahaha!

Well. As I said before I'll try to update it more often for you guys.

Also, (as I've mentioned before) If you can think of anything that Ichigo could screw up his impression on Byakuya **please** send em in! I'd appreciate it! Also the reviews! They're like writers' brain juice!

Cheers,

Batman


End file.
